"You have so much time..." How about you back off?

Ya know, I was waiting for what felt like a long time to get engaged.  I told Justin my time line was if by the time I was 28, we were not engaged, there would be a problem and I honestly would leave.  It was a semi- joke, but at the same time I was being pretty serious.  I wanted to get married one day, and if by then, he had not decided he wanted to me with me forever, he wouldn’t, ever.  He’d always been the one to say that he never wanted to get married…ever.  So, I thought it was going to take a lot more on my end then what I had done up until we got engaged.  I didn’t really do anything.  I tried to make it a point NOT to bring it up and nag about it, as I didn’t want to make it an issue.  I wanted him to want it and be sure about it.

I had spent months looking, brainstorming and researching places that I wanted to get married.  I knew I wanted to go somewhere I’d never been.  Somewhere I wouldn’t just vacation to at any point.  I also liked the idea of St. Thomas because it is a US territory and because you don’t need a passport, it’s US currency and because it’s where my parents went when they honeymooned years ago!  I looked into resorts.  I looked into when it was the “rainy” season and when it was hurricane season.  I looked into about how much it would cost.  I researched the catering menus and the wedding packages- what they included, what they didn’t include, what I would want to add, and how much it would cost to ship things beforehand.  I had a pretty solid idea of what I wanted.  I knew I want to wear an Ivory or Chamapage dress, no shoes.  I knew who I wanted my bridesmaids to be, and what they would wear.  I did a lot of thinking about this even before we got engaged.

The whole point of this post is the following though:
I am almost overwhelmed by the amount of things I still have to figure out.  I have no idea what colors I want, I have NO idea what I want the girls to carry (I want something alternative to flowers for them…I believe I will have flowers), I have NO idea how to go about booking, photographers, the “reception,” the number of people who will come, the Save the Dates, the invites.  *sigh*  I like planning and I like sticking to a plan.  I like accomplishing things and knowing for certain what I am looking at.  I like crossing things off a list and knowing it’s done and over with.  All of this is nearly impossible so far in advance and in general when planning a wedding.  UGH.

People keep saying we have such a long time.  Yes, they are correct in that we have a year and a half before April 21, 2012.  HOWEVER, what they don’t consider is that from everything that I’ve read, the Save the Dates should be mailed out nearly a year in advance for a destination wedding to someplace like St. Thomas.  They don’t think about the fact that with the Save the Dates, we really should include an insert card that has hotel and flight booking information for the guests.  Most people also suggest sending out a tentative RSVP card, so that we can have a “tenataive” idea of who will make it and who will for sure not make it at that point.  In order to do even just this simple task we need:

1.      1.  To have engagement pictures done.  This means we need to figure out a photographer.  We need to figure out if the photographer we hire to do our engagement session is going to travel with us to St. Thomas (typically a heafty price, although I believe it would be worth it…) to do our wedding also.  If not, we need to price out an Engagement session and then also find a photographer on the island.

2.      2.  We need to figure out an exact guest list.  Who do we really want to invite?  Who can we not invite?  Where do we draw the line?  About what percent do you expect to travel to St. Thomas to keep things under control.  From what I’ve read, people say for destination weddings expect 70% of those invited to show up.  I would have never, ever imagined it being that high.  What do I know though?

3.      3.  We need to get in touch with the resort and find out the best way for guests to go about booking a flight and room.  Do we need to use a travel agent?  How soon can they book the room?  How do the discounts work- if applicable? 

All that information BEFORE we even do the Save the Dates.  Let me also say that, with having to push everything up compared to a “traditional” wedding, we have about 6 months…which is normal for a wedding.  So, in my mind, we really don’t have a lot of time to relax and not worry about things.

I was in touch with the resort.  The wedding c coordinator did say they have the date open.  She also said that she had 3 big weddings back to back and that she would be in touch with me shortly to answer all my questions.  So, that’s one thing that can be semi-checked off my GINORMOUS ‘To Do’ list.  I feel good about that.  Now, it’s really just a waiting game with the rest of that.

I have NO idea what I want to do about a photographer.  I have a feeling it would cost nearly $4,000.00 to hire a photographer from home to travel there.  It’s really what I WANT to do though.  The resort photographers are chintzy and I HATE it.  If I spend money on something, it’s to have good pictures.  I just really can’t fully accept spending that much.  It’s a lot of money.  I started doing research on photographers in St. Thomas and found one that I really do like.  The pricing is not included on the website- hardly anyone on the island includes this important detail?!- so, I will have to email.  I just don’t really even know what a good deal would be.  They would be shooting the prep for the wedding, the ceremony (nothing at the reception) and pictures after the ceremony (like normal).  I know that I want the rights to the pictures…I can do any and everything else that way.  Since it wouldn’t include the engagement session, I would have to look into how much jus the engagement session back home would cost and go from there.  SO.MUCH.TO.THINK.ABOUT.

I’m done venting, I suppose.  I just hate hearing people say, “you have so much time” when in reality, I don’t have that much time.  And, it surely doesn’t help that Justin tries, he really does, to be involved, but he’s really not that much of a help.  He can’t be…I like having the control.