Well, I have a lot of stupid things I am afraid of- like centipedes, the dark in strange places, getting into another car accident where my car gets totaled...ya know, those types of things. I think the thing that I am most afraid of though is losing someone close to me. Like, someone in my family or Justin's immediate family, or Justin. That's what I am MOST afraid of.
It's weird- I'm not afraid of dying myself. I have a weird outlook on death, mainly because of my religious (or lack thereof) background. For me, once I am gone, I am gone. I won't have the pain to deal with. I guess that's the selfish side of me coming out. I am absolutely terrified of people dying around me. I went through both of my mom's parents dying, and my dad's dad. I went through several friends who have died, but that's different.
Sometimes I can't sleep at night, or sometimes I get so wrapped up in thinking about one of my parents dying, or my brother dying (you get the point) that I can't stop and it FREAKS.ME.OUT. It's like overwhelming and I can't stop. I just can't imagine what it would be like, and how I would cope. I honestly don't know if I could ever recover. I mean, I know I wouldn't ever recover---I just can't imagine it ever gets easier. Everyone says it does, but I can't understand how it would.
I try to understand and be there for people, who HAVE gone through something so tragic, I really do. It's VERY awkward for me because typically I don't show emotion in public or until it's much after the fact. I never know what to say because for me---I can't imagine. I really can't fathom what it would be like. For me, death is like abortion---(this is weird, I suppose) but for me, it's something that you can't even imagine unless you are in someone's shoes.
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